Grinching It Up

Perhaps something is horribly wrong with me. It is Christmas Eve and here I am, in my room, in this corner of the Earth, "grinching" it up and hoping that Christmas passes and I leave unscathed. My parents and lovely sister had a meal earlier today and I ditched. I was not here for Thanksgiving and I wish I was not here for Christmas. The only person I would care about seeing today (and even then, just for a little bit) would be my sister.

I believe it happened sometime when I was younger. This disconnect. It controls my life. Since I ditched the family food, I went to make something. You know what I ate this Christmas Eve? Instant Ramen. I was dreading the fact that I had to be around the parentals for just the five minutes it takes to make the stuff and then my mom said this to my father: "When are we going to take Leslie to play ball in the park?"

Now, hold the goddamn phone. Are you shitting me? Is there some memo I didn't get? Am I not old as shit now? There is absolutely no way that the person I am now would enjoy playing goddamn ball in the park surrounded by loving parents. Call me morbid, an asshole, fucked up. Goddamn it I am tired of playing nice.

I am becoming--scratch that-- I am embracing the asshole in me. I am mean. And I would need more than just this blog for you to know or even begin to understand why I became this way. For now, this should be enough:

I do not like Christmas. I do not like my birthday (other people's are awesome though). I do not like family time. I do not even like my family (although I do appreciate, and do not hate my immediate family). Maybe New Year's is the only thing I am ok with. Because it means a blank slate.

Maybe that's all I need. A spanking brand new, white piece of paper.